Cart

Your cart is currently empty.

36 Tips for Great Butt Play

36 Tips for Great Butt Play

So you’re interested in butt stuff. Because butts are associated with things like… the toilet, they can often be seen as dirty. But the anus is a major pleasure center for everyone, regardless of anatomy. If you’re looking for a few tips on how to get started, you’re in the right place. Like any other kind of sex, there can be a bit of a learning curve. To set yourself up for the most pleasurable experience, go through this list of tips before your next booty session:

1. Lose the stigma

There is nothing wrong or dirty about incorporating butt play into your sex life. There’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to incorporate it. This is just like any other form of sex or physical intimacy you are having. It’s all about the pleasure of you and your partner(s). There are so many different reasons why people enjoy and are interested in butt play: sensation and pleasure, gender play, wanting to try something new, and so much more. Don’t let any stigma stop you from trying it out if you’re wanting to. There are so many pleasure points in and around your butt. Don’t miss out!

2. A lot of what you heard might be myths

Some of the stigmas around anal play come from myths. These myths have come from porn, media, and society as a whole. As with any physical intimacy, there are risks involved, but you just have to be smart about it. After doing butt play safely, you don’t have fecal incontinence and your butt hole does not stay permanently expanded. There shouldn’t be large tears or pain (unless you want it), and butt play doesn’t have to include penetration at all. Follow the rest of these tips to set yourself up for success. 

3. Consent, duh

Obviously, consent is mandatory in every situation. Especially during new sexual experiences, it’s important to talk a lot about boundaries and safewords ahead of time. Make sure everyone is on the same page about what’s going to happen and how to stop at any point. If it’s your first time going that far south, then you might only want to use your hands. If you’re incorporating a new toy, then you might want to determine how much foreplay you do in advance. No matter what, have your safeword ready to go! This can be “stop” or a random word like “octopus”. You’re in control.

4. Pain isn’t a requirement

When people think of butt play, they often think of pain. But pain doesn’t need to be happening (unless you want it to!). If you’re experiencing pain during anal sex, that probably means you’re using something too big, you aren’t using enough lube, or you aren’t quite comfy or relaxed enough. All of those things are easily fixable. Throw some more lube on there. Try out a training kit or a finger instead of a larger toy or penis. Incorporate some more foreplay or maybe wait until next time before incorporating penetration.

5. But lube is a requirement

This should be tip 1-100. It’s gonna be near impossible to use too much lube. Unless you’re in the shower or using silicone toys, silicone lube is a great place to start. It’s long-lasting and great for butt play. If you’re taking it to the shower or using any toys made of silicone, use a water-based lube. And seriously, lube it up. Add some more. No really, even more. And keep reapplying throughout as needed.

6. Training kits are your beginner BFF

If you’re brand new to butt play and want to incorporate penetration, a training kit will be your best friend! Training kits often come with around 3-5 different-sized butt plugs. This gives you the ability to work your way up. Butt play is a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time and remember, pain isn’t the goal (unless it is).

7. Another meaning for fingering

Even before training kits, you can even start by using your fingers or a partner’s fingers for penetration! A lot of people like to start with a pinky because it’s small and not a very strong finger. You don’t need to jump right into a toy and you definitely shouldn’t just right into using a full-size dildo or penis. 

8. How to prep

The beforehand prep is equally as important! A couple of things to include earlier in your day to help make the experience stress-free and more pleasurable is to focus on relaxing throughout the day. Relax those muscles and maybe even do a little solo or partnered teasing throughout the day to get yourself turned on. This can include sexting, masturbation, wearing undergarments that make you feel hot or even doing some sexy daydreaming. To help with comfortability, stress, and mess, it can be helpful to “go” beforehand. Get everything cleared out. One thing that you might think you need to do is douching, but actually, you usually don’t need to. Your body is made to keep everything clean, so taking a shower beforehand or using a bidet if you have access to one should be perfectly fine. If you want extra peace of mind, you can try out an enema!

9. Keeping things clean

Ultimately, we are still playing with an area that is responsible for bowel movements. We don’t want any bacteria transferring to other areas of the body or from other areas of the body into the butt region. Before and after doing any butt play, make sure to wash everything that will be involved. That means fingers, mouths, toys, and protection. You’ll need to switch out any condoms or dental dams before moving on and if you’re playing with someone who has a vagina, never insert something used on the anus into the vagina before cleaning it with antibacterial soap and hot water. For toys, you can even use the Pepper Sex Toy Cleaner to keep your toys lasting longer.

10. Foreplay always

Foreplay is just as important in butt play as it is with any other part of your body. Because there are so many muscles in your anus, it’s important to warm them up and give them time to relax. Anal foreplay can look like rimming, rubbing the outside of the anus with a finger or toy, giving a booty massage, or using a smaller object for penetration before moving onto something larger. Don’t forget that you can always backtrack to foreplay if you feel like there hasn’t been enough. If muscles are still too tight or there’s discomfort, take a step back and add some more lube.

11. Ass Eating FTW

Rimming is using your mouth to stimulate someone’s anus. This can be through licking, kissing, or sucking. Rimming can be done in so many positions, so get creative! When rimming, don’t be scared to incorporate other forms of stimulation, such as rubbing the clitoris, licking someone’s perineum, or including nipple stimulation. If you aren’t used to using your tongue as much, it might take practice and time to build up your tongue strength and figure out what feels good for your partner. Practice makes perfect!

12. Toys, toys, toys

Toys will be your best friend if you want them to be! Whether you’re wanting to do some solo or partnered butt play, sex toys are the perfect addition. But there are a few important things to note when you’re using toys around your booty. Anytime you are inserting anything into your anus, the object must have a base. This is non-negotiable. Your butt has some really strong muscles and it can suck things right up, and once it slips all the way in, you’re gonna need some professional help getting it out. Next, the material of your toys can make a big difference. For butt toys, there are often silicone, metal, and glass. Silicone is much more flexible and often comes in smaller sizes, which can be perfect for beginners. Metal and glass toys are incredibly smooth and can take on temperatures well if you place them in the freezer or run them under hot water. They are a great option for more experienced butt players. Remember: never use silicone lube with silicone toys because it can degrade the material!

13. Double penetration 

If you have a vagina and you’re ready to take things to the next level, you might want to try out double penetration. This is not as beginner friendly, so experiment with other forms of anal penetration before trying out double penetration. When you’re ready to try it out, you have a few options. You can have two people with penises participating, you can use a dildo while a partner uses their penis or a strap-on, or you can use anal beads or plugs to have something static in your anus while your partner uses their penis or a strap-on for vaginal penetration.

14. Involve the whole body

Butt play doesn’t have to have a solo act, you can incorporate so many other forms of stimulation while also doing butt play. It can be the main course, foreplay, or a supporting actor. While rimming, using a toy, or a body part to do some booty play, don’t forget to pay attention to the erogenous zones. Stroke the inner thigh, use nipple clamps, kiss their toes and vibe their clit. 

15. Taking it from behind

There are as many positions for butt play as there are for any other type of physical intimacy. For anal penetration, some popular positions are doggy style, lying down doggy style, spooning, and cowgirl / reverse cowgirl. For rimming, try out face sitting, 69, while standing, or bending over. Experiment with positions that are accessible and comfortable for you. And if you want an extra boost of creativity, use the Nerve.com Position Of The Day cards! If there are positions you find more comfortable with other forms of sex, you’ll likely be able to shift them to work for butt play as well. You can use pillows, cushions, swings, chairs, tables, and anything else you can think of to help make positions more comfy and accessible for however your body works!

16. Slow and steady wins the pleasure

Like we said earlier, butt play is a marathon, not a sprint. Especially when first trying anal penetration, keep things shallow and slow. Focus on guiding things in rather than quickly thrusting. Going in too strong can lead to unwanted pain or even some tears in the tissue. At the end of the day, listen to your body. Your body will tell you what it likes and what it doesn’t, so trust the sensations you’re feeling. Everybody is different and when trying something new, you’ll have to be extra in tune with what is working for your body.

17. Everyone has a butt

Anyone with a butt can participate in solo or partnered butt play. In the media, it’s often portrayed between cis-gender straight men and women or cis-gender gay men, but anyone in any partnership status can do it. If you’re doing it solo or don’t have a partner with a penis, you can use dildos, strap-ons, or fingers. Also, just because your partner has a penis, that does not mean you are required to do butt play. You get to maintain your autonomy always! If you don’t have a vagina and want to try penetration, butt play is a great way to incorporate that. Butts are one of the things that all people, regardless of gender or sex assigned at birth have, so why not play around with them!

18. Butt play as gender play

Butt play can be a fun way to experiment with or affirm your gender. Whether you’re using a strap-on, receiving penetration, having someone sit on your face, or doing the face sitting, it’s an opportunity to break down the cisgender, heterosexual stereotypes in sex that cis-women are the receivers and cis-men are the givers. But just because you’re doing booty play doesn’t automatically mean you are messing with gender. You can be a hetero cis-man who enjoys being pegged by their cis-woman partner, and that does not mean you are any less cisgender or heterosexual. Ultimately, we all have bodies with pleasure points. Do what feels good for you. How you like your body to be touched has nothing to do with your identity. So focus on pleasure instead of problematic stigmas, expectations, and gender roles!

19. Keep talking

If you’re doing butt play with your partner(s), keep talking. at. all. times. Especially early on, your partner isn’t gonna know what feels good to you, so it’s important to keep communicating through sounds, phrases, or just talking. You can moan to express how good it feels or simply say that it’s not working for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for something different or change positions. 

20. Poop

Unless you’re wanting to do some fecal play (which is AOK!), you might not want to have any poop make an appearance during butt play. If that does happen, don’t panic. It’s totally ok and it’s not the end of the world! If you’re with a partner, it might be a good idea to discuss a game plan before starting. Lay down a towel or have one accessible, agree to hold no judgment, and to laugh about it once any initial reactions wear off. To keep things as clean as possible, it’s important to do all of your prep. As we talked about earlier, a thorough shower should take care of everything, but if you do want some extra piece of mind, you can use an enema earlier in the day as well.

21. How to clean up

Whether some poop ends up in the mix or not, cleanup is equally as important. Clean everything before moving on to anything else. Use anti-bacterial soap and hot water or a toy cleaner to clean toys and body parts. If the thought of cleaning up isn’t very sexy, this can be a great time to hop in the bathroom for a post-sex shower with your partner or alone. Light a candle, get the steam going and use some fragrant soap to wash each other or yourself. Cleanup doesn’t have to be mundane or at the end of the night, incorporate it as part of your routine.

22. Shower time

If you don’t want to worry about clean up at all, shower sex is a great time to do butt play. You get extra lubrication from the water, you can clean yourself immediately beforehand and keep things clean throughout. If you are doing butt play in the shower, you still need lube! Water is not enough itself. Water-based lubes work best if you’re in the shower or the tub, so grab your favorite one and use it in combination with the water from the shower.

23. Aftercare essentials

Whether it’s your first or 1,000th time doing butt stuff (or any sex in general), aftercare is essential. The concept of aftercare comes from the kink and BDSM community where you care for the needs of your partner after a scene. Aftercare helps you regulate your emotions and body and it can happen immediately after physical intimacy up to days later. It’s important to talk about what aftercare you’ll need before starting sexy time with your partner. It might be that you want a snack, water, and some alone time after. You could want cuddles and a movie. You might want to instantly talk about what went well and what you might want to change in the future or maybe you want to make an entry in your Sex Journal and chat about it later. Whatever works for you, make sure you and your partner(s) feel cared for, and find time to discuss how things went.

24. Staying safe

STIs can still be transmitted during butt play. It’s just as important to keep up to date with STI testing and be transparent about your results when doing butt play as any other kind of sex. If you’re having a hookup, non-monogamous, or have an STI, you can use barrier methods of protection. Condoms and dental dams are great options! Although it’s rare, if you are having penetrative anal sex between people who have a penis and a vagina, semen can leak from the anus to the vagina. If you want an extra layer of protection from a potential pregnancy, a condom is great for that extra piece of mind.

25. Limits are limits

There are a lot of different levels you can go to within booty play, and it doesn’t need to be all or nothing! You can keep to only using fingers forever and ever or plan to work up to something like double penetration. Make sure to talk about your limits with your partner(s) ahead of time and know that you can always change things at the moment if full consent is involved. When talking about your limits ahead of time, don’t involve any substances or things that could alter your decisions. You may even want to keep that same rule for the first few times you’re trying butt play.

26. Loosening up

Trying something new can feel exciting and intimidating! Use this as an excuse to have a sexy date night. Introduce some role play into your dinner, go through the Best Self Co. Intimacy Card Deck, or have a night in with sensual massage oils. The best things you can be when trying out butt play for the first time are relaxed and turned on. It may even be helpful to schedule when you want to try out butt play for the first time. Use that to build anticipation, get excited, and ensure everyone involved is feeling ready and comfortable. 

27. Media vs Reality

Butt play is often shown in problematic and unrealistic ways in media and porn. You may have seen it shown as cis-men “accidentally” slipping it into the wrong hole of their cis-woman partner. Or as something that only people with penises enjoy. And rarely are you going to see the prep and foreplay that goes into real-life butt play. Pornography shows butt play going from 0 to 100. It’s important to remember that in all of this, they are professionals and it’s not real life. As we keep saying, listen to your body! Don’t try to move too fast and don’t feel shame around if you don’t fit the media stereotype of who “likes” playing with the booty.

28. To like or not to like

Along with not feeling shame around liking butt play, don’t feel shame if you aren’t a fan! There are so many other types of sex and physical intimacy. If you never want to try it, that’s totally ok. If you’ve been trying it and aren’t enjoying it, don’t force it. You can always try again in the future or not! Butt play is like anything else. Not everyone like biting or nipple stimulation or vaginal penetration. Find what works for you and know that’s perfectly ok.

29. The loophole

Common trope about anal penetration is that it’s a “loophole” for having sex. This trope comes with the assumption that sex is penis in vagina penetration. But that’s not what sex is. Sex is anything you want it to be! Reducing sex to penis in vagina penetration elevates and prioritizes heterosexual, cisgender standards. Sex is simply physical intimacy with one or more consenting people. It can be showering together, naked cuddling, oral sex, sensual massages, butt play, BDSM scenes, and anything else you want it to be. At the end of the day, sex is however you define it. If you don’t want to count it, you don’t need to, but I would encourage you to evaluate why you don’t.

30. Can you cum?

People with all anatomies can orgasm through anal penetration! People with prostates have their “P-Spot” in their booty. So just because you have a penis or prostate doesn’t mean you can’t orgasm from penetration. People without a prostate can orgasm too. The anus contains tons and tons of nerves that make it a major pleasure center. It’s important to remember that everybody is different, so butt play might not do the trick for everyone. You can still enjoy anal stimulation without fully orgasming from it. If you have a vagina, it might feel a little different than a vaginal orgasm, so don’t be surprised by a completely different sensation. 

31. You might need to get some help if…

No one wants their sexy time to turn into a trip to the doctor, so hopefully, these toys can help you avoid that. However, if you find yourself in one of these situations, it might be time to hop on over to your local urgent care. If you’re using a toy with a base, you will not have this issue, but if your toy or another object disappears in your anus, seek medical attention immediately. If you’re having pain or bleeding in the anus that is unintended and that doesn’t stop, it’s better to be safe than sorry, so chat with your doctor. If you notice a prolapse or hemorrhoid afterward, it’s good to check in with your provider to ensure that nothing more serious happens. Overall, anal sex and booty play are completely safe and normal, so as long are you’re taking normal precautions, you’re going to be fine. But it’s good to know what experiences might lead you to need some extra help.

32. Feelin’ myself

Butt play isn’t just for partnered sex! You can do it during your solo time as well. If you’re nervous about introducing it to your partner(s), aren’t sure if you’re going to like it, or even just want to do it on your own, trying out butt play by yourself cause me a much easier, low stakes way to test the waters.The same rules apply to solo play as partner play. Grab lots of lube, keep things clean, start small, and do foreplay with yourself.

33. It’s all good

Stimulating the anus instead of penetrating it doesn’t exclusively have to live in foreplay land. It might be all you or a partner wants to do, and that’s perfectly ok! There are plenty of nerves inside and outside of the anus, so you can gain just as much pleasure with external stimulation as with internal penetration. You might love one and hate the other, so experiment and try out different styles. That’s why this article is about “butt play” and not exclusively “anal penetration”. It all counts and is all equally as good!

34. The in-between

When talking about butt play and just sex in general, there’s a big pleasure center that often gets left out of the conversation. The perineum. In people with a vagina, it’s positioned between the vaginal opening and the anus. In people with penises, it’s positioned between the anus and the scrotum. There are tons of nerve endings in this little space as well that can give so much pleasure when touched. Just like any other body part, some people love having their perineum touched and others don’t. Sensitivity to this area often increases as arousal builds, so even though the perineum can be involved at any point during physical intimacy, it can be especially great to incorporate it during your foreplay pre-butt play. 

35. Introducing it to your partner

Introducing something new to your partner might feel a little awkward, especially if you aren’t sure it’s something they are into. For tips on this, check out How To Talk About Sex With Your Partner!

36. Lube… again

Just one more reminder for good measure!

Butt play can feel like a whole other world, even though it’s just a short journey away. No matter where you are in your experience with booty play, all of these tips are crucial to remember. Relax, have fun, and try something new if you’re interested in it! Butt play is for everyone and anyone who wants to try it. No matter who you are, who you're with, or even if you’re alone, you might just find insane, mind-blowing pleasure in it. And did we say “use lube” enough?

Sydney (Syd) Morris (she/her/), is a white, cisgender, queer, Sex Educator in Seattle who is passionate about making the worlds of sex education and sex tech easier to navigate regardless of beliefs, experiences, or identities. She is a Master of Arts in Education candidate at Antioch University, where her research investigates where adults go to find answers to their questions about sex. Syd approaches sexuality education from an intersectional and pleasure-centered lens. She believes that every part of you is relevant to your sexuality and you inherently deserve to experience pleasure in the ways that feel good for you.

Let's CONNECT.
Receive insider tips, expert pleasure advice, and exclusive discounts straight to your inbox.