A Guide On Having Sex During Menopause

As women, one of the most significant changes our bodies will ever go through is menopause. Menopause is defined as having an absent period for 12 or more months, and usually occurs in women during their 40s or later. Menopause is a natural process that involves a decline in reproductive hormones, though it also comes with physiological changes that, unfortunately, are likely to affect your sex life. 

It’s not all doom and gloom, though; you can still resume business as usual and have sex during menopause. Despite what we see portrayed in popular culture, sex and menopause are not mutually exclusive terms. In true Pepper style, we’ve put together a guide on sex and menopause to keep you thriving through this life phase, from how menopause affects sex drive to how you can increase your sex drive during menopause.

How sex might change during menopause.

Does menopause affect sex drive?

For many women – menopause does not affect sex drive! I know this is a shocker, but some women even report having an increased libido. However, the side effects of decreased estrogen causing vaginal dryness and joint stiffness can certainly make sex during menopause less enjoyable and render a decreased sex drive for many women. 

However, these variables are thankfully resolvable. The Pepper Water-Based Lubricant is a fan favorite, as well as the Hybrid Lube and Silicone Lube. Starting sex with a vibrator or dildo, such as the Indulge Rabbit Vibrator or Dalia Marble, can help things warm up. Take your time with your partner to allow for optimal arousal. 

Other factors that can affect sex drive and sex during menopause are sleep disturbance and lack of sleep, stress, anxiety, and depression. There is often not one component that affects a woman’s sex drive during menopause, but many together. Addressing each of these factors with your health team can, in turn, help to improve your sex drive and give you more energy to dedicate to intimacy.

 

Is painful sex during menopause normal?

Painful sex, regardless of whether a woman is going through menopause or not, is never normal. Sex should not only be pain-free but it should be a desirable and enjoyable experience, and never thought of as a chore to please your partner. 

If you exhaust your options of lube, foreplay, and sex tools, there may be an issue with tissue shortening from decreased estrogen that you should contact your health care provider about. Dilators are a medical tool to help lengthen tissue and increase elasticity. Dilators look similar to dildos, but should be used in a specific way instructed by your healthcare provider, specifically a pelvic floor therapist.
 

How can I increase sex drive during menopause?

The first step to ensuring a steady sex drive during menopause is identifying the root to any inhibitors. Having hot flashes? Ditch the sheets and pump the AC. Is your tissue feeling dried out? Keep the lube close and use it generously to help keep the juices flowing. 

If the tissue is feeling tight, shop dildos at Pepper and quickly ship that bad boy so you can start a new foreplay routine to open up and receive from your partner in a smooth and satisfying way. Your doctor may have medical solutions that involve hormone replacement therapy which may also help increase sex drive and ultimately lead to more sex during menopause. 

Regardless of which solution works best for you, make sure to tell your partner what feels good and what does not.
 

Can you have unprotected sex during menopause?

During this time, fertility will significantly decrease, but it is still possible to get pregnant when having sex during menopause. After 12 continuous months without a period, the chance of pregnancy is especially low. However, it should be noted that even though fertility reaches near zero at this time, sexually transmitted diseases can still be passed if protection is not used. 

Many women will experience anxiety and fear due to the continued chance of getting pregnant, so make sure to use birth control options to keep your mind at ease with sexual intimacy. You don’t want stress between the sheets when a product is available at hand to eliminate the chance of pregnancy when having menopausal sex.
 

What causes bleeding during sex when going through menopause?

Bleeding can sometimes occur in sex during menopause because of thinning tissue and tissue stiffness. When decreased estrogen causes dryness and tissue thinning, penetration may become a high friction event that creates micro-tears in the vaginal canal. This can be improved with lubricant and foreplay as mentioned above. Stock your sex tool box with toys and lubes, and you will be sure to have a more enjoyable experience in the bedroom.

Bleeding during menopause outside of sexual activity is not normal and should be taken seriously. During this time, this may be due to fibroids, endometrial polyps, or a sign of cancer from uterine lining malignancy. This occurs in a low frequency of women, so if you find yourself experiencing this you should seek out help from your doctor as soon as possible.

Ultimately, menopause is a foreseeable life stage for women that comes with significant changes to sex and intimacy. But remember: sex and menopause are not mutually exclusive, and there is still plenty of room for sex during menopause. The changes may sound stressful at first glance, but the good news is that Pepper is full of resources to help you navigate the road blocks and get back to feeling good in the bedroom.
 

Claire is a pelvic floor therapist with a distinct specialty certification in pelvic rehabilitation (PRPC). She is the private clinic owner of Rooted Pelvic Health & Hand Therapy in Sun Valley, Idaho. She treats all gender diversities for pelvic floor related conditions including sexual dysfunction, gynecological cancer recovery, and chronic pelvic pain. Claire's mission is to improve overall function and quality of life with lasting results for her clients. As a contributing writer to Pepper Together, Claire seeks to provide education about a subject that deserves more attention. She hopes that by spreading the word about pelvic floor conditions she can break the stigma about conversations around sex, and provide simple solutions to improve sexual intimacy.