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How To Make A Sex Schedule Sexy

relationships

How To Make A Sex Schedule Sexy

Kaisha-Dyan McMillanDecember 17, 2019

While it might seem like the unsexiest thing ever, turns out that a sex calendar is about opportunities.

Remember the early days of your relationship?

You know, when work and the occasional meal were the only things keeping you from having the hottest sex ever? You randy little rabbits...

But times have changed. Everyone’s older, kids may be in the picture now, and lying naked in bed all day is no longer possible…or even desired.

Sex may have gotten lost in the shuffle over the years, and when you do have it it’s a bit like leftover pizza: still pretty good, but much tastier when it was piping hot and fresh.

That’s when creating a sex calendar can make a world of difference. When hectic lives and changing appetites make getting busy on the fly the stuff of fantasies, scheduling sex in a marriage or long-term relationship is a simple way to create space for intimacy.

And listen, just because it’s planned sex doesn’t mean it can’t be sexy. Here’s what we mean…

“Having a sex calendar has nothing to do with shortcomings and everything to do with opportunities.”

Embrace the sex calendar for what it is.

Let’s make this simple: scheduled sex just means setting aside dedicated time to slip between the sheets (or anywhere the mood takes you).

It doesn’t have to mean anything deeper than that— it’s not a reminder of one person’s lowered libido, or the other’s crazy work schedule, or that life before the kids was so much more flexible. All it means is that you and your significant other are making time for intimacy when work is over, the kids are asleep, and both of you are willing and ready for it.

Having a sex calendar has nothing to do with shortcomings and everything to do with opportunities.

Redefine what a healthy sexy life looks like for you.

Once a week? Twice a day? Quarterly?

There are plenty of opinions out there about how often the two of you should be doing it, but certain so-called standards may not make sense for your relationship, and that’s ok.

“Don't approach it as we have to have sex every day, or it's not good,” says Sunny Rodgers, Certified Clinical Sexologist & Intimate Lifestyle Expert.

A sex calendar isn’t about frequency; it’s simply an easy way to schedule time for togetherness. And when the time comes to get naked, whether or not things lead to intercourse is entirely up to you two—neither of you should feel pressured to do anything, ever.

When it comes to sex dates, the only requirement is to be present in connection with each other.

Use time between sex dates to get in the zone for connection.

So back when you first got together, there was probably some pretty thoughtful preparation happening before every date: new lingerie purchased, a freshly opened bottle of lube placed on the bedside table, lots of personal trimming and grooming going on.

All that readiness helped build healthy tension, and guess what? A sex schedule can do the same. Doing little things to prepare in the days or hours before your sex date serves as a great reminder that there’s something to look forward to.

“Make sure you have batteries, make sure [a favorite toy] is charged, make sure that you're wearing sexy lingerie,” Sunny says. “If you know that there's a certain particular scent that they care for, definitely have the candles going or the fragrances.”

Anticipation is beyond sexy, and in-between “appointments” is your chance to activate your imaginations and set the stage for the next time.

“Listen, the key to sex scheduling is making sure that you and your person carve out space for connection.”

Leave room for spontaneity.

Listen, the key to sex scheduling is making sure that you and your person carve out space for connection. If sex isn’t on the calendar until later in the week, but you decide on a whim that to pick up a new toy today and get things buzzing in the bedroom tonight, by no means should you let the schedule stop you.

On the flip side, maybe there’s a planned sex date but one or both of you isn’t feeling it when the day comes. That’s fine too; no one should feel obligated if they’re not in the mindset. But be sure to reschedule because (spoiler alert!) scheduling sex only works if you put it on the calendar.

We get it; the thought of having to make sex appointments probably never crossed your minds when you first got together. It maybe even seemed like a thing only couples in crisis would do. But when you think about it, sex schedules are how you two got things rolling (in the hay) in the first place—but back then, you just called them “dates”!

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