Find out how to keep your relationship on track through this tool.
From parents who do everything for their child, to the childless couple navigating a life built for two, every long-term relationship needs nurturing.
Couples getting acclimated to marriage after kids quickly discover that the demands of parenting have a way of dominating virtually every conversation. Even couples without children experience their own challenges maintaining connection when they’re always in collaboration mode.
Sure, you may be communicating all day long, but managing family business via text or the occasional chat doesn’t do much to tell a couple how things are going with them.
It’s a blessing to experience all the stages of a relationship with your favorite person, and you didn’t progress this far into love and marriage without putting in the effort. Be sure and take the time to regroup and assess every once in a while and never lose sight of the course the two of you have set for your relationship.
So if it’s been a while since you each took stock of this beautiful thing you and your partner have going on, maybe it’s time to start asking intention questions.
What Are Intention Questions?
First things first: there’s a subtle but powerful difference between a goal and an intention.
A goal tends to focus on a specific aim or target in the future. An intention, on the other hand, is more about a way of being in the present. So while deciding to take your partner on two dates per month is an example of a goal, you may be doing so with the broader intention of prioritizing all forms of intimacy in your relationship.
While someone may or may not succeed in reaching a goal, an intention points to a greater purpose for how one chooses to live right now.
As you might expect, inviting one another to ask intention questions will likely result in a pretty profound conversation—so it’s important that you both not only put thought into what you want to talk about but also set aside time to discuss these ideas together. Here are three ways for couples to get curious:
1. Know Thyself
The best place to start is for each of you to consider your own intentions for your relationship. If you’re a couple in a rut and dealing with emotional clutter, one intention question you might ask your partner is, “How can we help each other feel empowered to let go of the small stuff?” Take some time to meditate on things separately (or let’s be honest, it might look more like stewing and then letting it pass), then use what comes to mind as a launchpad for a conversation with your love.
2. Pick a (Sexy) Subject
Another approach is to decide together what to focus on, then create your intention questions accordingly. If you’re stuck, this is a perfect opportunity to look beyond the basics to address topics that get pushed to the back burner during daily life (in other words, we’re talking about sex).
If you’re a couple whose intimacy could use a refresh, ask intention questions like, “How can we bring a sense of adventure to date night?” or “What are some ways for us to play outside our comfort zone?” The questions alone can spark the kind of conversation that leads to sexy new territory.
3. Keep it Fun
Look, just because you’re having a heartfelt conversation doesn’t mean it you can’t make it fun.
Incorporating intention questions in your every-other-month book club for two, as the centerpiece of your anniversary celebration, or as inspiration for a vision boarding session together capitalizes on the fact that you’re both already in the spirit of connection.
And by fun, we also mean keeping intention questions focused on the positive. Instead of framing questions around what you don’t want (“How can I keep from stressing you out all the time?”), reframe things so that the focus is always on what you do want (“What actions can I take to help you feel more relaxed and comfortable?”).
Ask each other intention questions every once in a while to help reflect on your relationship, tap into a shared sense of meaning, and strengthen connection along the way.
Plus, a ritual that requires tuning into your lover’s heart is a great way to reconnect with their favorite body part. Well, at least one of them anyway...