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What We Talk About When We Talk About Sex

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What We Talk About When We Talk About Sex

Ali LawrenceSeptember 30, 2019

Want to know how to talk about sex these days? Read on to see what Ali did...

“Did I hold some sort of impromptu sex seminar in the middle of your living room yesterday?” I pulled the phone away from my cheek and winced.

Without hesitation the response came through loud and clear: “Oh, who cares! Everyone in that room went home and got laid, they should all be sending you thank you cards.”

God, I had. (Holds head in hands…)

Sure, it could be some sort of mid-life crisis, or unraveling—or, at best, unveiling, but talking about sex, often, is practically the new talking about the weather—and, I’m not just referring to spilling with your girlfriends over a bottle of Rosé. (Still the best ever, though).

“I watched people slowly pull away from other conversations from all corners of the house to get in on the sex talk.”

I’m talking from the rooftops, with aging parents, kids, siblings and everyone else under the sun.

I’m talking all of a sudden at your best friend’s daytime birthday party surrounded by couples and families. I’m talking about finding myself knee-deep in a monologue addressing half-strangers about how sex is where we, as adults who are coupled or married with kids, can play.

And, as they say, “If you build it, they will come.”

I watched people slowly pull away from other conversations from all corners of the house to get in on the sex talk. Husbands, wives, sister-in-laws, breastfeeding moms—everyone gathered round and were all ears.

And, yep, I’m pretty sure I said cock ring.

“Because guess what? Sex toys aren’t about competing with what you’re already working with or because there is something wrong, they are about play and exploration and pleasure.”But in my defense, because no matter how comfortable I continue to become casually talking about sex—to anyone—those two words together, cock and ring, will likely forever feel like they leave my mouth, and land with an echoing thud onto the floor, complete with aftershocks. And if you feel the same, I was simply referencing what Sex Educator and Expert Julia Feldman had recommended as a great (yet wildly misunderstood) starter toy for him.

Because guess what? Sex toys aren’t about competing with what you’re already working with or because there is something wrong, they are about play and exploration and pleasure.

Speaking of, while marveling at the genius simplicity of how sex and sex toys might be the quickest solution to the slow death of our dreams of continuous adult ecstasy—our kids, completely free from the thought that fun could ever be something they might have to reclaim—climbed trees, laughed, picked flowers and played in the sandbox on the other side of the window.

Talk about ecstasy.

Even with over thirty adults celebrating our dear friend we all share in common, we were outnumbered that day. There was a backyard full of babies to pre-teens enjoying the spoils of youth. The best in freedom and joy and what all of us attached to their health and happiness, work so hard for. This sampling of a population that will help to define an entire generation will probably (hopefully) start their journies being better talking about sex, understanding their needs, their bodies and pleasure, then maybe any of us adults in that room were...ever.

But, I digress—what else is new? 

“We were all people who want to make our marriages and relationships work and feel connected to our partners. And because sex can be both fun for fun’s sake and also make us feel closer when sometimes we feel so surprisingly far apart”

Meanwhile, I’m fairly certain that we adults shared a moment of solidarity across all of our many differences from backgrounds, educations, professions, parenting styles, and even ages. We were all one right then. We were all people who wanted to make our marriages and relationships work and feel connected to our partners. And because sex can be both fun for fun’s sake and also make us feel closer when sometimes we feel so surprisingly far apart, there wasn’t an adult in that room that didn’t seem open to giving my (albeit margarita-induced) hypothesis a whirl.

So anyway, about last night...who got lucky? (All hands shoot up to the sky).

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